Parenting Solutions

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Adopting From Abroad

Often people hear about the distress of children in other countries and want to offer to adopt one of them. But children’s best interests are not necessarily served by being adopted away from their own countries, their culture and their extended family.

Can You Do As Madonna Did?

You may have relatives in a country and want to adopt a child from your extended family, or you may have seen publicity where children look abandoned or orphaned.

David Holmes, Chief Executive of the British Association for Adoption and Fostering says, `The attention given to Madonna in Malawi has pushed adoption to the top of the agenda. It may also cause misconceptions.

`People may think inter-country adoption is easy,’ warns Holmes. `In fact people who want to adopt a child from abroad must go through exactly the same assessment and approval process as someone who wants to adopt a child under UK law from within the UK.

`Adopting a child from another country can take years, and adopters are likely to have to comply with follow-up requirements, for example reports on how the child is doing’ says Holmes. `So this is not the soft option.’

International Adoption is just one of several ways to build your family. And on the positive side, in most cases, international adoptions are finalised in the country of origin, so once you come home with your child, he or she is already legally yours.

Adoption not only allows you to have a family even when Mother Nature makes things difficult. It also provides a loving home for children who need families.

Trevor Emdon is founder of Wizard of Wisdom Publishing which offers many books and services in the field of self improvement and specialist advice.

parenting conflict, parents frustration, children problem,

Constant fighting between siblings is one of the major frustrations parents have. They feel that nothing they are doing is working. Parents’ typical reactions to fighting include: taking sides, threats, accusations, dismissing negative feelings, and solving children’s problems for them. All of these reactions only serve to aggravate the situation.

Instead of being reactive, parents can choose to be pro-active. They can stay out of the fights in a nonjudgmental way. Children need to be able to sort things out for themselves. Parents can teach negotiation skills later when the fightings over.

Another thing parents can do is show confidence that their children will work things out. Provide guidance and show some faith. Parents also need tow some commonsense. Leave two or more children alone in a room with only one toy and you are asking for trouble. Teach them how it is possible for both of them to play with the one toy, then leave them to it.

Parents also need to remember to affirm and accept feelings. All feelings are O.K., but not all actions are. Keep in mind that the bad feelings need to come out before we can get to the good feelings. Show them how to express their feelings verbally ratherthan physically.

When parents react poorly, they are unwittingly promoting rivalry. You are their role model, they will learn by copying you. You must also remember that what they learn in the home they will take to the school playground. How they respond to those situations, they will take through to adulthood. It all starts with you.